My ex-husband died almost a year ago. The boys and I have been tasked with cleaning out his home. It’s been hard to see the luxury I gave up. But, the price was too high. I have been plagued with jealousy. Asking God why? Why do I have so little? I have been faithful. I have felt the Holy Spirit working in my life every morning when I bead. I bead from 3-5am. It is the most sacred time. But I still can’t help feeling jealous and resentful. These are fatal for a recovering alcoholic. It was imperative that god show himself in the middle Of all this chaos and dispare. And so he did. I was complaining about how I never get flowers. A friend brought some over out of the blue! I’ve needed speakers. And there was a spare set at the house! I’ve been longing to see the moon, and I got my old telescope back! I have missed my Our Lady of Fatima and yesterday I got her back! Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be granted unto you. Yes, indeed. 💕 So. Much. Love. M

My Journey with Our Lady began in 2004. I was a recovering alcoholic, with 4 boys under 10. My husband wasn't sober, and I couldn't stay sober. I turned to Mary, asking her to do the impossible---Heal My Family. I had a beaded Madonna that I prayed to every morning and night. I prayed that Mary would intercede on my behalf. I needed a miracle. Within three months of prayerful dedication, my petition was granted, and my husband and I both got sober.  In my astonished gratitude, I began to bead Madonnas. With each bead I placed, I prayed for the peace and grace that poured out from Our Lady. I still do this. Every single Madonna is infused with over 120 hours of petitions for the peace of the recipient. I use only Czech Glass Beads, Freshwater Pearls, and Swarovski Crystals; The Best. I wish I could say that was a tidy ending to a heartbreaking story, but that's where it gets interesting. My husband didn't stay sober. We divorced. I used to think it was because of his drinking, and while that was definitely a factor, my undiagnosed Mental Illness was the Reason. Although I've stayed sober, I have been high ADHD, PTSD, and BI-Polar/Hypomanic with a sprinkle of Asperger's my whole life. All undiagnosed until the Pandemic. I lost my job, isolated alone and came face to face with my Madness. As with Alcohol, I was the LAST person to know I was ill. It took me losing contact with my cherished boys and all my significant relationships for me to seek professional mental help.  Like Mary said Yes, I said Yes.  Yes to Help, and Help appeared. I found a Catholic Counselor, and a great psychiatrist. I started the arduous journey of medication. It took TWO YEARS to find the right combination. I'm just now seeing the progress. The mind is a mystery. It heals on its own time. God speeds up the healing. Throughout my crisis, God never let me fall. He made a way for me every single day. Just like in A.A., It's One Day at a Time.  It's Our Daily Bread. It is the continuous NOW where Christ shows up in the Church. Every time I was about to lose my electric/water/heat, and when I was about to lose my house, someone would help(God with Skin On). These people didn't know each other, but they all knew God. They Said Yes Too. I am healing through the Power of the Intercessions of Our Lady. I can never repay the grace I have received. But I can give my finest back to God. This is my most intricately beaded piece. My prayer is that she showers you with peace as well.

My Journey with Our Lady began in 2004. I was a recovering alcoholic, with 4 boys under 10. My husband wasn't sober, and I couldn't stay sober. I turned to Mary, asking her to do the impossible---Heal My Family. I had a beaded Madonna that I prayed to every morning and night. I prayed that Mary would intercede on my behalf. I needed a miracle. Within three months of prayerful dedication, my petition was granted, and my husband and I both got sober.  In my astonished gratitude, I began to bead Madonnas. With each bead I placed, I prayed for the peace and grace that poured out from Our Lady. I still do this. Every single Madonna is infused with over 120 hours of petitions for the peace of the recipient. I use only Czech Glass Beads, Freshwater Pearls, and Swarovski Crystals; The Best. I wish I could say that was a tidy ending to a heartbreaking story, but that's where it gets interesting. My husband didn't stay sober. We divorced. I used to think it was because of his drinking, and while that was definitely a factor, my undiagnosed Mental Illness was the Reason. Although I've stayed sober, I have been high ADHD, PTSD, and BI-Polar/Hypomanic with a sprinkle of Asperger's my whole life. All undiagnosed until the Pandemic. I lost my job, isolated alone and came face to face with my Madness. As with Alcohol, I was the LAST person to know I was ill. It took me losing contact with my cherished boys and all my significant relationships for me to seek professional mental help.  Like Mary said Yes, I said Yes.  Yes to Help, and Help appeared. I found a Catholic Counselor, and a great psychiatrist. I started the arduous journey of medication. It took TWO YEARS to find the right combination. I'm just now seeing the progress. The mind is a mystery. It heals on its own time. God speeds up the healing. Throughout my crisis, God never let me fall. He made a way for me every single day. Just like in A.A., It's One Day at a Time.  It's Our Daily Bread. It is the continuous NOW where Christ shows up in the Church. Every time I was about to lose my electric/water/heat, and when I was about to lose my house, someone would help(God with Skin On). These people didn't know each other, but they all knew God. They Said Yes Too. I am healing through the Power of the Intercessions of Our Lady. I can never repay the grace I have received. But I can give my finest back to God. This is my most intricately beaded piece. My prayer is that she showers you with peace as well.

It's been a minute since I've checked in. With the passing of my ex-husband - the Father of my four boys - I've been flipping between Manic-Driven-Micro-Managing my boys future, and being paralized by fear for our future as a family going forward. Th e boys' lives have been an extended season of Arrested Developement. None have paid for a thing until now. In the first month after his death, all four found jobs, bought health and car insurance, got cell phone contracts, and paid bills. ALL OF THEM. To say I'm proud is an understatement. They all stepped up to the plate. They even took over negotiations regarding their future. Dealing with my ex-husband's girl friend's claim over the entire estate has not been easy. Confronting truths about their father hasn't been easy either. Growing up at lightening speed late in the game while dealing with grief and betrayal is only for the courageous of heart with strength of character. Who they are as men has come shining through, and I like what I see! I, on the other hand, have been finding it hard to find my courage and strength. I am only just getting on my feet financial, after being in such poverty that I couldn't afford toothpaste. My late diagnose of Bi-polar, ADHD, and PTSD has been a perpetual rollar coaster for the last 4 years. I'm only just now getting my meds balanced. And yet, through it all, God even gave me toothpaste. Exactly every true need I had was fulfilled. No more, No less. This brings me to the coincidence. I'm still not rock-solid in a lot of my decision making. My refridgerator broke and I had the bright idea to buy a used one on Facebook Market Place. TERRIBLE idea. I fell for every scam in the book which led me to losing $640 dollars. I don't have that much to lose and I still need a refrigerator... and toothpaste. I'm overcome with anxiety, fear, and a touch of pour-pour-pour me another drink. That's a dangerous place for this recovering alcoholic. As you know, God told me that my Candles would be at the Blessed Stanely Rother Shrine. And they are. Guess who recieved a $640 dollar check reimbursement for the candles that have recently sold? Me. Little old complaining me. Foot-stomping, fist-shaking me. God knew so far ahead of time. Time isn't real, especially not in God's world. He/She knew that I would need this little wink (which is what coincidences truly are) to remind me that my creator is always rooting for my highest good. All my rage and pity is mis-spent energy, energy that I could be spending on thankful meditation and prayer. We are our thoughts. They create our reality. When my mind is occupied with disturbing thoughts, turning towards God shifts the narrative in my head. And when I CAN'T shift on my own, God winks and I laugh and BAM we are back! 640 is the magic number! So. Much. Love. m

So. Much. Love. from Blessed Stanley Rother and Our Lady of Guadelupe I had a vision from the beginning. The very first candle I made was Our Lady of Guadelupe. I made her with the Shrine in mind. One year ago, in a vision, I was shown my candles being sold in the gift shop. Since then, although I have attempted to place them there, yesterday was the first day they were actually for sale. Hallelujuah! As I've been in austerity mode, this is a tremendous blessing! Understandably, I was extremely nervous about my meeting with Deacon Rob, the manager of the gift shop. Due to my vision, I was certain that the meeting would go well. However, my human mind still drifted to doubt. I stopped for gas before the meeting, still waivering in my faith. In my distracted worry, I accidently left my wallet on the top of my car. Of course it fell off onto the street. I didn't miss it until after my meeting. Sitting in my car, filled with Joy as my candles were accepted by Deacon Rob, I realized the gravity of my mistake. I immediatly retraced my steps back to the Love's Travel Stop. It had not been turned in, and was definetely gone for good. Deep in my heart, though, I knew Mary would bring my wallet back to me. Replacing my driver's license was an expense I could not afford. I had been on an errand of devotion. Nothing is wasted and nothing goes unseen. Mary used this unfortunate mishap to reassure me that my petitions were not in vain. Logic would say that it was gone for good, yet I still believed my wallet would find it's way back too me. Sure enough, 3 hours later, my doorbell rang. I knew, without doubt, that it was my wallet. Sure enough, it was!! A woman, named Maria, (of course), had seen my wallet in the street and pulled over IN TRAFFIC to retrieve it. Finding my address on my license, she and her husband drove out of their way to deliver it to my doorstep. Seriously God? You alway go above and beyond, displaying your love in such miraculous ways. You see every little thing I need, and without fail you deliver. Why am I always in doubt? Every day my faith grows stronger, leaving doubt in the dust. I am constantly in Awe. I've been calling this period of time in my life the "Shock and Awe" campaign. My job is to share my journey with you so that you, too, might experience of the Shock and Awe of our Mighty God. So. Much. Love. m

How hard it is to find Balance. My life has exploded in unbelievable ways as of late. My ex-husband died, and on his last breath, his girlfriend was begging him to sign a common law affidavit. If I didn't have our four sons to look after, I wouldn't care. But, I do. And I do. The lengths she is ready to go to claim all of the boys inheritance is astonishing. Like criminally astonishing. It's so hard to stay on the wire. One side tempts me with the delicious earthly delight of rightous indignation, resentment, anger, and hatred. Who doesn't like to feel superior, perpetually right, and certain that God is on their side? Screwtape, from "The Screwtape Letters", by C.S.Lewis would be delighted. The other side reveals the ignorance of my indulgence. Would my God revel in the dark, ugly feelings; feelings that foster seperation from one of my fellows? Nope. Not my God. My days are terrible when I focus on the earthly perspective - My Will Be Done. Who am I to say how it's done? When I let go and sway to the heavenly side of the rope, I am flush with feelings of peaceful acceptance and oneness. That the universe is unfolding as it should. Nothing, absolutly nothing happens in this world by mistake. My God sees all and wastes nothing. There are so many players in this drama. How will God use this situation to help everyone involved grow closer to Him/Her? I can't wait to see!

My ex-husband died. One never knows how one will react to such news until it happens. Immediately, I felt relief as our union was so explosive and I was always on guard, even after the divorce. Then, a deep wailing gathered in my heart. So deep. A lament of the dreams unrealized. All the weddings and christenings he will miss. The gash in my boys hearts, never to be mended. I can't stitch them up with a kiss. I can't ease their pain at all. And I discovered that all this time, I truly thought he would quit drinking and find his way back to me. Not only did that not happen, I didn't even get to say goodbye. My cold heart melted with the news of his death. In the midst of this pain, an ugly charater defect of mine reared its ugly head. I was not mentioned anywhere in the final remarks of his life. The enlightened me knows it's not about me, but the childish Missy in me was having none of it. So much so that I started vocalizing my rightous indignation to my grieving boys. How dare I? After so much growth during The Humbling, I would think I would 1. Not feel that wy at all. 2. Know better. This is where my God comes in. I can't take away my defects on my own, especially the core issues that I came into this life to overcome. Only my Creator can, with my consent, reshape my heart. I want to feel empathy and compassion for all, but instead I'm feeling discounted, left out, put upon. In prayer and contemplation, I find my true heart. The one that runs to Jesus and Mary for comfort and piece. The heart that lives in the love of the Holy Spirit, perfectly held, all needs met. This is the truth of it. When I can shift into Gratitude for all that God has delivered me from, I get right-minded. I genuinly want to hold them all with compassionate love in my heart. This leads to right action and a life full of grace and abundance. This is the truth of it. If I take my broken heart to God, I am healed and therefore can offer healing to those I love the most. So. Much. Love. m

Adoration today will have me coming out of Our Lady's Cathedral just as John Carroll School is lettiing out. This is the School my boys attended during my struggle to get sober. I've always clung to my sober days, not acknowledging all the damage I did on the drunk days. In the beginning of sobriety, they told me not to focus on the past. I only have this present moment. One sober breath at a time. And, that's true. But at some point, I have to become spiritually cognizant of the pain I inflicted on those who had to endure my drunkeness and then watch me get sober. Over and over again. Now 7 years sober, it's time for some amends. Sometimes, that means saying I'm sorry. But these days, it's more of an atonement on a spiritual level. Today, I have the opportunity to sit with Spirit, The Holy Host, for one hour. My first thought was, "What in the world will I do for an hour?" The second thought was better. Can I not give one hour to God? An hour of contemplation of the damage I've caused. One hour of petitions for forgiveness from all I have harmed. YES! I say YES! I believe people hear prayers, or maybe feel them. They soak into the psyche better than if I had asked for forgiveness in person. Many times, due to severity of the damage, leaving my victims alone is the kindest thing I can offer. Today, I offer prayers for all I have harmed. God can reach the unseen places and heal the damage I've done. Lord, Make Me an Instument of your Peace to all I have harmed and those I have yet to meet. Amen. So. Much. Love. m

On July 4th, 2017, I had my last drink, my Independence Day! I wish I could say that I haven't had other chunks of time when I swore I had my Last Drink, but I can't. I would have 4 1/2 years and then Drink, over and over again. This was partially due to the undiagnosed bipolar thing, but also due to the lack of balance in my relationship with God. Due to complex trauma from before I could speak, I had a brick wall built up against the Male Figure of God. But my Creator is Creative, and found a way to sneak into my heart, through Mary. Here was a divine source of Love, Compassion, Patience, Protection, and Peace. A relatable visual form of God that I could accept. Although Mary has guided me all these years, my true deep hunger to know Jesus is New. In the Humbling, I have healed the Trauma that scared me away from the Divine Masculine. Halleluhjia! Piecing back together my Sacred Self has allowed me to dive into a new relationship with my Creator as a whole being who is alive and active in my life with every breath. Breath by Breath. Bead by Bead. I heal in the Sacred Divine Union, the intimate relationship with my Blessed Father AND Mother. God reached me where I was, and provided a way for me to find my way back to Him. Through Him, With Him, and In Him I have found Sobriety that will last. Amen. So. Much. Love. m

How many times has God layed out a perfect, straight path for me, only to have me turn my snotty nose up and say,"Are you kidding me? That's so not cool." My Dad used to call me "little Missy", which morphed into "Missy". To be fair, Missy IS a nickname for Michelle. But I've been a LITTLE MISSY from the gitgo. I can't remember a time when I picked God's way if it wasn't cool enough. How in the world I've made it this far without following the Plan can only be explained in one way. My Creator, whom ironically I can't escape since It is a part of Me, is constantly RE-CALCULATING ROUTE. Of course, I hear this in Siri's voice when I take a wrong turn, which is often. For every time I have chosen poorly (Indiana Jones Fans know), The Perfect Order that is God's Universe steps up to rearrange everything making a Perfect Way once again. It just takes longer. In my case 60 years. God is so Gentle. Slowly, softly at first, the Divine whispers, "this is the way." Many hear the sweet soft voice and turn towards it, eagerly wanting more. I heard that voice until Alcohol entered my life in College. The way I drink, nothing can be heard over the ROAR of Alcohol. And I drank that way from the beginning. Little Missy liked her Tito's. Tito had my total attention until I became pregnant with my first Boy. I wish I could say I heard God's soft whisper then. Actually, that's not true. I DID hear loud and clear that I must have my baby Baptised Catholic, as I had been. Did I mention my mother was a NUN? Check back for more about that... There was a tiny problem with this plan. I wasn't confirmed, therefore my wedding hadn't been blessed, thus my baby couldn't be Baptised. God slipped in during this time of Confirmation to give me a taste of peace in the Holy Spirit. Sober during my babymaking years, Tito and I became best friends again once that Decade was over. Drunk Mommy is never a good look. Spirit started knocking, then pounding to get my attention. Although I quit drinking, I couldn't give up the obsession with living like the cool kids. Source took it all away. Every last stitch. To open my ears and my heart. Here I am, Lord. Humbled and Happy. Happy with the simple action of being, watching the Route unfold. It truly is the Easier, Softer Way, letting God be my Navigator. So. Much. Love. m

Pride Month IS Sacred Union Month. We, as a collective, owe our Soul Progress to the Gay Community; Progress towards Sacred Union, a Union of Souls, not Bodies. The term HomoSexual literally means, Pertaining to ManSex. This is interpreted as SameSex which is not the same thing. Gender does not determine Sexual Preference. The Soul does. Souls either have a Negative (Feminine) charge or a Positve (Masculine) charge. Balance, or Sacred Union is acheived by the JOINING of the Masculine and Feminine Energy Charges. Think of it as Batteries. The Negative Charge, the Recieving Side, the Feminine Side, must Recieve energy from the Positive Charge, the Providing Side, the Masculine Side. The Positive Charge and the Negative Charge complete the circut, providing a single stream of focused Useable Energy. When Two Charges become One, potable Energy, or the Sacred Union, is formed. Our bodies do not determine our Energy Charge. Our Soul Does. The Body is merely a collection of blood and bones knitted together to become a House for the Soul. GENDER AND SOULS ARE NOT THE SAME THING. NOT AT ALL. Souls have no Gender. It's not Two Bodies that create the Sacred Union. It's Two souls, Masculine and Feminine, Negative and Positive, merging to become a Holy One . That's what Sacred Union means in Latin. A "Holy One" Energy that radiates out across the Earth. If every Union was a Sacred Union, we would have Peace on Earth. So, Thank you, Gay Community for making a way for Peace, for advancing the Collective in this way and personifying this Univeral Truth. WE ARE NOT OUR BODIES. We are Souls, navigating our way back to Source. Your Violent Persecution and Unrelenting Torture have not gone in Vain. Through your unwavering committment to be true to your heart, you have advanced our Collective closer to the Divine. All the Creator wants from us is to LOVE. GIVE LOVE. BE LOVE. The Closer we get to BEING Love, The closer we come to HEAVEN ON EARTH. LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE... So. Much. Love. m

"Just Pick One" has been my mantra from the beginning. My young questioning mind could not believe that an All Loving Powerful God would condemn people who had never been to church. Declaring little babies sinners if they weren't baptised. "Who made these rules?", I thought. "Not my God.", I decided. The only thing that made sense to my young mind was God is Everything. We just use different words to describe Him, Her, It. Truly no words can capture the Glory that is God. Maybe this is where the confusion lies. My spiritual seeking began in the Catholic Church. My mother was a Nun for Christ's Sake. No REALLY. She considered herself a Bride of Christ. In taking Final Vows, the Postulate literally marries Christ! This is beautiful and something I think would be a very fullfilling life. My mother, however, got cold feet. She much preferred a marriage with a real live Man. A Catholic Man. I became their Catholic Baby, with Christining and First Communion of course. Thus began my love for the Catholic Church, but even my young mind knew that a great and All Loving Powerful God would not punish people who never had the chance to even hear about Him. The smells, the echos, the glossy feel of wellworn wood under my fingers all rush me back to my first years before life got complicated. I feel safe in Mass. The Liturgy is soothing. The idea that somewhere all over the globe, faithful people are united in the same prayers, inspires me. Whenever two or more are gathered and all that. It has taken me a lifetime to find my way back to a burning desire for Christ. My parents divorced when I was 7. Ashamed, my Mom left the Church and we moved several times before landing in Oklahoma City. Being a Seeker, I found a church that matched my groove at the time. I became a Methodist. I took myself to church on my bike for a while, until my family joined me soon after. I was at that church all the time. It was safer than home. In the 7th Grade, we moved back to Bartlesville. Still a seeker, albeit a Teenage Seeker, I picked the Church that had the best Youth Trips. "I'll be a Baptist!", I thought as I happily rode the bus to Six Flags, Silver Dollar City, and Falls Creek. Yes. That Falls Creek. I know. This was a Bridge Too Far for my mother. We moved back to Oklahoma City for my High School years, and I slid right back into the Methodist Groove. It still matched my Vibe. In a High Dive Move, read MANIA, I abrubtly left College and flew to Honolulu. Seeking. Seeking. Always Seeking, but I had yet to find the God that I was so thirsty for. I drank instead for a long, long time. During the Hawaii years, I became a Buddhist. I was getting closer. Reincarnation was resonating. It was the only explanation that made sense. God, giving us endless chances to get it right. That sounded more like the God I was Seeking...Loving,Gentle, a Second Chance God For a Girl in need of many second chances, as it would turn out. I returned from Hawaii, wiser, drunker, and defeated. The Hawaii Master Plan included becoming a famous supermodel and/or Singer, launching from Hawaii to Japan. It wasn't a bad plan, but my Alcoholism was in full bloom. I didn't stand a chance. Plus, Really? Coming home looking to remake myself into something respectable, I fell in Love with a Catholic Man. He was adamant about our children being raised up in the Church. By this point I truly was Just Pick One. So I did. I picked Catholic. I stumbled along in my faith but it's hard to get any traction when your entire brain and body are covered in Alcohol. With the Birth of my Babies came Sobriety and Baptisms and Confimations. But somewhere along the way, I lost my passion for Christ in the distractions of life.I was too busy for all that. I had THINGS... The last 7 years have been the HUMBLING. The complete dismanteling of my former "too busy for god life" has been ugly and painful. But. Oh. My. God. so necessary! Here I am, on FIRE for Christ's Passion. I'm back at Mass. Every word from the beginning to the end of the Liturgy speaks to my heart. That never happened before. I used to just look at the shoes and wonder how much they cost, where did they get them, would they look good on me..etc. So gross, my truth. So, I'm back to Just Pick One. Pick the one that makes your heart hunger for more. Find Your Fire. You don't want to miss this RIDE! So. Much. Love. m