Just Pick One

"Just Pick One" has been my mantra from the beginning. My young questioning mind could not believe that an All Loving Powerful God would condemn people who had never been to church. Declaring little babies sinners if they weren't baptised.

"Who made these rules?", I thought.

"Not my God.", I decided.

The only thing that made sense to my young mind was God is Everything. We just use different words to describe Him, Her, It. Truly no words can capture the Glory that is God. Maybe this is where the confusion lies.

My spiritual seeking began in the Catholic Church. My mother was a Nun for Christ's Sake. No REALLY. She considered herself a Bride of Christ. In taking Final Vows, the Postulate literally marries Christ! This is beautiful and something I think would be a very fullfilling life. My mother, however, got cold feet. She much preferred a marriage with a real live Man. A Catholic Man. I became their Catholic Baby, with Christining and First Communion of course. Thus began my love for the Catholic Church, but even my young mind knew that a great and All Loving Powerful God would not punish people who never had the chance to even hear about Him.

The smells, the echos, the glossy feel of wellworn wood under my fingers all rush me back to my first years before life got complicated. I feel safe in Mass. The Liturgy is soothing. The idea that somewhere all over the globe, faithful people are united in the same prayers, inspires me. Whenever two or more are gathered and all that. It has taken me a lifetime to find my way back to a burning desire for Christ.

My parents divorced when I was 7. Ashamed, my Mom left the Church and we moved several times before landing in Oklahoma City. Being a Seeker, I found a church that matched my groove at the time. I became a Methodist. I took myself to church on my bike for a while, until my family joined me soon after. I was at that church all the time. It was safer than home.

In the 7th Grade, we moved back to Bartlesville. Still a seeker, albeit a Teenage Seeker, I picked the Church that had the best Youth Trips. "I'll be a Baptist!", I thought as I happily rode the bus to Six Flags, Silver Dollar City, and Falls Creek. Yes. That Falls Creek. I know. This was a Bridge Too Far for my mother. We moved back to Oklahoma City for my High School years, and I slid right back into the Methodist Groove. It still matched my Vibe.

In a High Dive Move, read MANIA, I abrubtly left College and flew to Honolulu.

Seeking. Seeking. Always Seeking, but I had yet to find the God that I was so thirsty for.

I drank instead for a long, long time.

During the Hawaii years, I became a Buddhist. I was getting closer. Reincarnation was resonating. It was the only explanation that made sense. God, giving us endless chances to get it right. That sounded more like the God I was Seeking...Loving,Gentle, a Second Chance God For a Girl in need of many second chances, as it would turn out.

I returned from Hawaii, wiser, drunker, and defeated. The Hawaii Master Plan included becoming a famous supermodel and/or Singer, launching from Hawaii to Japan. It wasn't a bad plan, but my Alcoholism was in full bloom. I didn't stand a chance. Plus, Really? Coming home looking to remake myself into something respectable, I fell in Love with a Catholic Man. He was adamant about our children being raised up in the Church. By this point I truly was Just Pick One. So I did.

I picked Catholic.

I stumbled along in my faith but it's hard to get any traction when your entire brain and body are covered in Alcohol. With the Birth of my Babies came Sobriety and Baptisms and Confimations.

But somewhere along the way, I lost my passion for Christ in the distractions of life.I was too busy for all that. I had THINGS...

The last 7 years have been the HUMBLING. The complete dismanteling of my former "too busy for god life" has been ugly and painful. But. Oh. My. God. so necessary! Here I am, on FIRE for Christ's Passion. I'm back at Mass. Every word from the beginning to the end of the Liturgy speaks to my heart. That never happened before. I used to just look at the shoes and wonder how much they cost, where did they get them, would they look good on me..etc. So gross, my truth.

So, I'm back to Just Pick One. Pick the one that makes your heart hunger for more. Find Your Fire.

You don't want to miss this RIDE!

So. Much. Love.

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