There are no Coincidences

It's been a minute since I've checked in. With the passing of my ex-husband - the Father of my four boys - I've been flipping between Manic-Driven-Micro-Managing my boys future, and being paralized by fear for our future as a family going forward.

The boys' lives have been an extended season of Arrested Developement. None have paid for a thing until now. In the first month after his death, all four found jobs, bought health and car insurance, got cell phone contracts, and paid bills. ALL OF THEM.

To say I'm proud is an understatement. They all stepped up to the plate. They even took over negotiations regarding their future. Dealing with my ex-husband's girl friend's claim over the entire estate has not been easy. Confronting truths about their father hasn't been easy either. Growing up at lightening speed late in the game while dealing with grief and betrayal is only for the courageous of heart with strength of character. Who they are as men has come shining through, and I like what I see!

I, on the other hand, have been finding it hard to find my courage and strength. I am only just getting on my feet financial, after being in such poverty that I couldn't afford toothpaste. My late diagnose of Bi-polar, ADHD, and PTSD has been a perpetual rollar coaster for the last 4 years. I'm only just now getting my meds balanced. And yet, through it all, God even gave me toothpaste. Exactly every true need I had was fulfilled. No more, No less. This brings me to the coincidence.

I'm still not rock-solid in a lot of my decision making. My refridgerator broke and I had the bright idea to buy a used one on Facebook Market Place. TERRIBLE idea. I fell for every scam in the book which led me to losing $640 dollars. I don't have that much to lose and I still need a refrigerator... and toothpaste. I'm overcome with anxiety, fear, and a touch of pour-pour-pour

me another drink. That's a dangerous place for this recovering alcoholic.

As you know, God told me that my Candles would be at the Blessed Stanely Rother Shrine. And they are. Guess who recieved a $640 dollar check reimbursement for the candles that have recently sold? Me. Little old complaining me. Foot-stomping, fist-shaking me.

God knew so far ahead of time. Time isn't real, especially not in God's world. He/She knew that I would need this little wink (which is what coincidences truly are) to remind me that my creator is always rooting for my highest good. All my rage and pity is mis-spent energy, energy that I could be spending on thankful meditation and prayer. We are our thoughts. They create our reality. When my mind is occupied with disturbing thoughts, turning towards God shifts the narrative in my head. And when I CAN'T shift on my own, God winks and I laugh and BAM we are back!

640 is the magic number!

So. Much. Love.

m