0n the Tight Rope...

How hard it is to find Balance. My life has exploded in unbelievable ways as of late. My

ex-husband died, and on his last breath, his girlfriend was begging him to sign a common law affidavit. If I didn't have our four sons to look after, I wouldn't care. But, I do. And I do. The lengths she is ready to go to claim all of the boys inheritance is astonishing. Like criminally astonishing.

It's so hard to stay on the wire. One side tempts me with the delicious earthly delight of rightous indignation, resentment, anger, and hatred. Who doesn't like to feel superior, perpetually right, and certain that God is on their side? Screwtape, from "The Screwtape Letters", by C.S.Lewis would be delighted. The other side reveals the ignorance of my indulgence. Would my God revel in the dark, ugly feelings; feelings that foster seperation from one of my fellows? Nope. Not my God.

My days are terrible when I focus on the earthly perspective - My Will Be Done. Who am I to say how it's done? When I let go and sway to the heavenly side of the rope, I am flush with feelings of peaceful acceptance and oneness. That the universe is unfolding as it should.

Nothing, absolutly nothing happens in this world by mistake. My God sees all and wastes nothing. There are so many players in this drama. How will God use this situation to help everyone involved grow closer to Him/Her? I can't wait to see!